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Australians, in general, do not seem to be big fans of bidets.  Yet, Indians living Down Under already know the value of using water to ………well, you know.  

A Word of Caution

Constant wiping with toilet paper not only kills trees but it can also kill your bum!

Well, maybe not kill it but definitely leave you with a host of health problems. Toilet paper oftentimes leaves excess feces behind which can cause various infections in the rectum.  What is more, too much wiping to get rid of that leftover feces promotes other anal disorders like anal fissures and for women, urinary tract infections – damned if you don’t wipe enough, damned if you do.  

Now, we are not saying that you should not use toilet paper but only implying that there is a better option, one that is more popular in countries like India, Japan, and Greece – the Bidet!

Benefits of Using a Bidet

The U.S., U.K., and Australia have not caught on to the Bidet wave as of yet, but that is because they probably do not know about its many benefits.  

Now, if you are an Indian living in Australia or from some other bidet-friendly country, you may already know of such benefits but in order to enlighten your now fellow Australians who have not heard of the glories of the Bidet, please allow us to list a few of them here.

1 – Better Hygiene
2 – Environmentally Sound
3 – Cost-Efficient
4 – Skin-Friendly
5- Plumbing-Friendly
6 – Safe

What to Look For When Buying a Bidet in Australia

Ok, so now everyone knows that bidets tend to work better than toilet paper, cost less over the long-term, and are safer for the human body but what are the key features of a bidet – those that separate the squirters from the waterfalls? After All, there will be an upfront investment that is going to cost more than a roll of toilet paper but does not have to break your bank should you choose wisely – choosing the one with the features that best suit your situation and budget.

1 – Self-Cleaning Nozzle



Do you need a bidet that offers the ability to clean the nozzle with water before using it and after using it?  To answer this question consider who is going to be using it.

Boys: They often pee on the nozzle without regard for life and limb.   

Men: Not as much splatter but some nonetheless.  

*** Many mechanical bidets do have a self-retracting nozzle which can be adjusted to avoid a golden showers and feces sprinkles.  They can also be pulled out for easy cleaning, so if you are a male or you share a toilet with other males, think about getting one.

2 – Full Seat Bidets vs. Attached Bidets

While you are going to find that most bidets in Australia are sold as attachments, there are some that actually replace your toilet seat altogether.  The attached versions are nice for pure convenience and there is no need to replace the entire seat to install them.



Full-seat bidets, however, do require that your toilet seat be removed and the bidet seat be installed in its place.  Still, they are nice because they offer features like slow-closing lids and accurate angles that project the water in just the right spot.  They are more expensive than bidet attachments though, so keep that in mind.



I guess it comes down to whether or not you want a hidden or pronounced ass cleaner.  As long as it gets the job done, what does it matter if it is just a small part of your toilet and not the full seat?  In the end, attached bidets are inconspicuous, work just as well as full-seat bidets, and cost less.

3 – Pulsating Bidets vs Smooth Stream Bidets

Bums need some loving too.  Don’t be sick, I am not talking about that kind of love, just the love of gentle water being sprayed into your stink hole during the cleanup process.  

Most bidets available in Australia shoot a solid stream of water at an angle that is not too intrusive, which is perfectly alright for those with regular bowel movements.  However, for those with less fiber in their diets pulsating bidets are probably better as they can help stimulate bowel movements – cleaning and unclogging, a great combo! Besides that, pulsating bidets give a rather unusual experience which really needs to be felt as the stimulation cannot really be told.  

https://youtu.be/aLlhs-7T7Cw

*** If you are interested in the pulsating version, contact your local bidet seller (Hint, Hint) and ask them if they sell them.  

4 – Dryer Bidets

Sometimes it is not good enough just to have a clean butt, especially if it is soaking wet.  A dry and clean butt is the perfect combination for backside comfort!

You may be thinking right now, “Is it really possible that some bidets come with drying devices?”.  The answer is yes, but it is more a luxurious add-on than a standard feature.



Bidets with air dryers work in much the same way as air dryers found in public restrooms albeit with less pressure – thank goodness!  As they only expel moderate air pressure and moderate heat, so as not to burn the sphincter, they do take a minute or two to get the anal totality completely dry.  

Bidets with air dryers are extremely convenient to have, although a bit more costly and hard to find, as it frees one up from having to use toilet paper after a good bideting session.

*** If this feature sounds interesting to you, ask your local bidet specialist if they know where to get an air dryer bidet in Australia.

5 – Heated Water

This probably should have been listed first as nothing could be better than a lukewarm anal wash or worse a scalding, fiery anal torture, depending on how hot you like it.  Anyway, I have saved the best feature for last.



For the most part, most of the standard bidets – attached or full-seated – do not automatically come with heat controls but for most bidets in Australia,  this option can be purchased at an added cost. Don’t worry, it is not that expensive to get a heating system for your toilet fountain.

Question: How long will it take for the water to heat up?

Answer: As long as it takes for your sink to heat up as your bidet heating system will also be attached to your home’s hot-water supply.

Question: How hot will the water get?

Answer: As hot as you want it.  You will be in full control of the heating controls.  Of course, I recommend the low to medium setting but if you are one who likes to heat up your bum, go for it!  Who am I to judge?

Conclusion

As an Indian living, working and breathing in Australia, I was always looking for a way to get that fresh, clean feeling that I used to get when I used water back in India.  Of course, I could also use a plastic bottle and my hand – if you are Indian, you know what I am talking about – but I am in the Western World now and touching ones poop shoot with the hand is not seen as a really hygienic thing to do.

I finally decided to bring the best of both worlds together and search for a bidet in Australia so that I could clean it out without getting my hands dirty, so to speak.  I can tell you it was really hard to find one as at that time bidets were even less popular Down Under. But when I finally managed to acquire one, I was hooked. In fact, I was so enthralled with the bidet experience that I decided to make it one of my missions in life to bring this experience to my fellow Indians as well as enlighten native Australians to the wonders of water.  

Now everyone who lives Down Under can get cleaned Down Under through the technological marvel known as the  Bidet!