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Warning Australia! Panic Buying Toilet Paper Is Not An Effective Coronavirus Precaution 


Before supplying you with a solution to your coronavirus toilet paper purchases, let’s first review the facts:



Giving these stats, would it make sense for Australian shoppers to panic and stock up on supplies as if the apocalypse were on its way. 

Australia is not even near to being on the top of the worst infected country list.  

Even if it were, why would Australian’s biggest fear be being stranded without toilet paper, when there is an even better solution available to them for cleaning the bum?

Toilet Paper Buying Frenzy In Australia

One of the most ridiculous displays of toilet paper buying panic within the country occurred at a Melbourne, Woolworths supermarket where shoppers left canned goods and other food supplies on the shelf and instead decided to fight over toilet paper rolls. 

A sure display of insanity if there ever were one!

The coronavirus is a flu, albeit a somewhat dangerous one.  Yet, it is not the ‘Zombie Apocalypse’.

Even if it were, why would Australian’s think their money is best used for stocking up on ass wipes? 

Will wiping your butt several thousand times bulletproof you from getting COVID-19?

Still, Auatralian shoppers did not seem to consider the absurdity of their actions and Woolworth had to limit one roll of toilet paper per family so every customer could get a chance to secure at least one roll of sacred wipes. 

The Problem With Toilet Paper

Even if the world were shut down due to the corona scare, stocking up on toilet paper to keep your backside nice and tidy is not the most effective tool for doing so.

Neither is it the most effective mechanism for keeping the corona virus at bay. 

The fact is, toilet paper is not a ‘must-have’ in case of a health epidemic, economic meltdown, or zombie apocalypse.  Wiping with toilet paper is actually an unhygienic and unhealthy act. 

Toilet paper removes poop but does not clean poop.

In other words, you continue to walk around with a dirty anus even after you have wiped. 

Toilet paper increases the likelihood of hemorrhoids and anal fissures. 

Therefore, the harder and deeper you wipe the more likely you are to either cause these two anal problems or irritate them further. 

Since poop remains after wiping, genital diseases like urinary tract infections are increased. 

A urinary tract infection (UTI) is very painful, just ask anyone who has ever had one. 

The bottom line is that toilet paper does not clean your bum properly and it increases the chances of genital problems.  What is more, it sure as hell does not help safeguard you against the corona virus or an impending personal lockdown/economic meltdown.

Is there a solution then? 


There is a better way to safeguard your anus from the coronavirus.

There is a way to keep your sphincter clean in the likelihood that the world runs out of toilet paper. 

Bidets: One Of The Best Coronavirus Precautions For Australian Asses

Why bidets?

First off, you don’t have to worry about toilet paper running out because you will have an anal fountain at your disposal at all times. 

Secondly, it will reduce the likelihood of incurring anal problems often brought about by using toilet paper (see above section) since it cleans the poop out of the anus instead of just spreading it around.

It could possibly wash away any rogue corona virus hanging around your butthole waiting to get up in there and contaminate your entire physical system. 

Besides, it offers a plethora of other benefits for both men and women – benefits that can not be had by using toilet paper alone.



There is a host of environmental benefits that come with using bidets as well. 

Bidet usage saves on toilet paper costs and the need to buy toilet paper altogether which has a positive effect on the environment as a whole. 

To give you a better idea of how much impact bidets can have on the environment, take a look at the following toilet paper production graphic: 

By purchasing a bidet you will save on toilet paper costs and the hassle of trying to acquire a stockpile of toilet paper rolls during this corona scare, as well as obtain all the health and hygiene benefits that come with using water to wash your dirty places. 

We Are Your One-Stop Shop For Bidets

Bidet R Us Australia – https://g.co/kgs/7SNiKG

If you are now convinced that bidets can offer you an efficient and healthy coronavirus precaution solution, as well as a more economic and healthy way to keep your entire family’s ass clean then look no further to one of Australia’s most trusted bidet suppliers.

All the bidets we sell and recommend are tried and tested for cost-effectiveness, longevity, and the latest in anal hygiene and comfort.  

Don’t waste your time running from market to market anymore searching for ass wipes that don’t clean your ass or help you one bit with coronavirus. 

Try our recommended bidets so you can save money, save the environment, and save your anus from corona.

Note: Must be installed by licensed plumber and make sure they install RPZ.

Bidet Toilet Seat Reviews Australia: 3 Top Toilet Bidets That Will Help Australians Poop Cleaner!

I hope you will appreciate the troubles I have gone through to research the best bidet toilet seats available in Melbourne,Australia. It really is a thankless job but I care about my fellow Australian’s backsides – I wish to provide them with the proper hygiene and comfort they deserve!

I took great pains to choose the ones that were getting the best reviews and the bidet seats I have personally experimented with myself.

Owning a plumbing service & being a professional bidet supplier allows me to test out many of the butt sprinklers available to Australians!

The following 3 bidets passed the Desi Plumber approval process and some of them even offer luxurious features like aerated water streams, temperature controls, and even deodorizers to keep the bum and the bathroom smelling ‘fresh as a daisy’. 


Bidet Toilet Seat Review #1: Most Economical and long lasting is LUELUE LB5000

Feminine Wash

Posterior Wash

Soft Closing

Stainless Steel T adaptor
with built-in filter

Filtered Metal Flexible Hose

Slim Design

2 Years Warranty

One Touch Dismantle

Self Nozzle Cleaning

Adjustable Water Pressure

Easy Installation

Standard Seat for Australian Toilets

No Electricity Required 

Australian Standards

It runs mechanicaly on water pressure so no electricity related risks.

Bidet Toilet Seat Review #2: Coway Bidet Toilet Seat

When it comes to modern bidet technology, no other manufacturer even comes close to Coway bidets!

In particular, the BA 13 Coway bidet seat, offers features that are so new and advanced that other bidet manufacturers have been left confused and wondering how they put so much anal-cleaning technology in this bidet seat!

What exactly are those technological features, you ask?

Check this out:

Steel Nozzles:

Not just one but two stainless steel nozzles, one for the rump (for him and her) and the other for feminine wash.

The nozzles come with an adjustable spray so that the toilet-goer can access those hard-to-reach places!

There are two settings on the nozzle controls from which to choose:

Wash Settings:

The BA 13 Coway bidet toilet seat offers adjustable settings, which means that you can increase or decrease the water temperature so you won’t burn or freeze your sphincter!


This bidet seat sports a warm air dryer!  

You heard right, a warm air dryer!

This can help  you get rid of that unwanted moisture that sometimes lingers in the A-hole after washing.

You don’t want to look like you had an accident right after you just finished going to the bathroom, do you?

Temperature Controls:

Now, for my favorite Conway bidet seat feature.

A temperature-controlled heated toilet seat!  

This takes the cake for me and most of my customers also agree that this is one of their favorite features.

Who doesn’t want to be pampered while taking a crap?

Air Deodorizer:

This Coway bidet model has a built-in freshener that helps ‘clear the air’ after the gates of hell have been unleashed in your bathroom! 

Enough said…

Coway has put a lot of thought, time, and effort into making sure that their bidet seats offer comfort levels and amenities that far exceed many of the other bidet brands, which is exactly why I chose it as my number one pick for the top 3 bidets in Australia!

You bet we have Conway bidets in stock at Desi Plumbers, Australia

Bidet Toilet Seat Review #3: Eco Bidet

What if your bidet was not only capable of keeping your ‘brown eye’ safe & clean but our bathroom environment smelling like a rose as well? 

The Eco Bidet s300 promises all this and a bag of chips!

Another great thing about this bidet toilet seat is that it has almost all of the features a premium Australian bidet has but only at a fraction of the cost!

This particular model is currently the most affordable bidet on the Australian market!

But what about its features, you ask? 

First off, this product is fully compliant with Australian Standards Watermark & Electrical Certifications. This means that it is safe for everyone in the household, including children and the elderly. 

The other major features of the Eco Bidet s300 include the following:

Rear & Feminine Wash:

Wait! Wasn’t the  BA 13 Coway bidet seat the only bidet seat to offer this feature?  It appears not and I guess this is one of the few instances that I was wrong about an anal washer.  

But was I?  

Not really, because the Conway bidet differs from all the other bidets on this list in that it offers both a ‘rugged’ water flush and a gentle & mild one to suit the user’s specific needs and temperament.  


Reduces the need for toilet paper and the chances of wiping so hard and so much you start to bleed and develop anal fissures with hemorrhoids to go along with them. 

Heated Seat:

Australia can get cold sometimes, especially during the morning hours.  This is precisely why the Eco Bidet s300 will come in handy.

Great for when you want to warm your rump while ‘dropping the kids off at the pool’ before sunrise. 

Buble Infusion:

There is nothing more refreshing than having bubbles shoot up your hole while sitting on the pot!

Aside from that, you won’t need to use as much water to clean your crevices as the bubbles will go a long way to flush out those very hard to reach places.

Water conservation at its best!

Energy-Saving System:

The Eco Bidet s300 is so smart that it can learn your weekly usage patterns (how many times you clean your bum in a week) and adjust its output to accommodate your ‘butt-wiping’ needs.  

Adjustable Nozzle:

You can adjust the nozzle to where you need it without having to adjust yourself in the process.  

Child Safety Pressure & Nozzle:

Water pressure can be reduced and the nozzle can be adjusted to half its size to accommodate small children and those with weak anuses. 

Self-Cleaning Option:

This bidet can  cleans itself before & after every use.  

After all, the purpose of a bidet is to clean poop, not store it for later use!  

The main body of the bidet can also be removed to clean under it if the self-cleaning system did not do a good enough  job. 

Anal Massage:

Yes, you heard right! The Eco Bidet s300 offers a water pulse that not only gently cleans the sphincter but makes it feel good at the same time.  

If all these features don’t warrant a number three rating, then I don’t know what does!


This article was written by me, HarrySingh, President & CEO of Desi Plumbers.  

I have chosen these particular bidet models because of their cost-effectiveness and salient features.

These 3 bidets work just as well and many times even better than the more expensive options on the market today!

My word is bond when it comes to bidet toilet seats and not just because I own a plumbing company and have been selling bidets in Australia for years but also because I have actually tried all of them out and they solved every one of my ‘butt-washing issues’ which are quite extensive, to say the least. 

Note: In the interest of public and to abide to plumbing regulations, please always get a licensed plumber to install any bidet for you.  This will not only protect your house from flooding but prevent water contamination too.  Once again, all bidets and hand sprays must be installed with RPZ.


Australians, in general, do not seem to be big fans of bidets.  Yet, Indians living Down Under already know the value of using water to ………well, you know.  

A Word of Caution

Constant wiping with toilet paper not only kills trees but it can also kill your bum!

Well, maybe not kill it but definitely leave you with a host of health problems. Toilet paper oftentimes leaves excess feces behind which can cause various infections in the rectum.  What is more, too much wiping to get rid of that leftover feces promotes other anal disorders like anal fissures and for women, urinary tract infections – damned if you don’t wipe enough, damned if you do.  

Now, we are not saying that you should not use toilet paper but only implying that there is a better option, one that is more popular in countries like India, Japan, and Greece – the Bidet!

Benefits of Using a Bidet

The U.S., U.K., and Australia have not caught on to the Bidet wave as of yet, but that is because they probably do not know about its many benefits.  

Now, if you are an Indian living in Australia or from some other bidet-friendly country, you may already know of such benefits but in order to enlighten your now fellow Australians who have not heard of the glories of the Bidet, please allow us to list a few of them here.

1 – Better Hygiene
2 – Environmentally Sound
3 – Cost-Efficient
4 – Skin-Friendly
5- Plumbing-Friendly
6 – Safe

What to Look For When Buying a Bidet in Australia

Ok, so now everyone knows that bidets tend to work better than toilet paper, cost less over the long-term, and are safer for the human body but what are the key features of a bidet – those that separate the squirters from the waterfalls? After All, there will be an upfront investment that is going to cost more than a roll of toilet paper but does not have to break your bank should you choose wisely – choosing the one with the features that best suit your situation and budget.

1 – Self-Cleaning Nozzle

Do you need a bidet that offers the ability to clean the nozzle with water before using it and after using it?  To answer this question consider who is going to be using it.

Boys: They often pee on the nozzle without regard for life and limb.   

Men: Not as much splatter but some nonetheless.  

*** Many mechanical bidets do have a self-retracting nozzle which can be adjusted to avoid a golden showers and feces sprinkles.  They can also be pulled out for easy cleaning, so if you are a male or you share a toilet with other males, think about getting one.

2 – Full Seat Bidets vs. Attached Bidets

While you are going to find that most bidets in Australia are sold as attachments, there are some that actually replace your toilet seat altogether.  The attached versions are nice for pure convenience and there is no need to replace the entire seat to install them.

Full-seat bidets, however, do require that your toilet seat be removed and the bidet seat be installed in its place.  Still, they are nice because they offer features like slow-closing lids and accurate angles that project the water in just the right spot.  They are more expensive than bidet attachments though, so keep that in mind.

I guess it comes down to whether or not you want a hidden or pronounced ass cleaner.  As long as it gets the job done, what does it matter if it is just a small part of your toilet and not the full seat?  In the end, attached bidets are inconspicuous, work just as well as full-seat bidets, and cost less.

3 – Pulsating Bidets vs Smooth Stream Bidets

Bums need some loving too.  Don’t be sick, I am not talking about that kind of love, just the love of gentle water being sprayed into your stink hole during the cleanup process.  

Most bidets available in Australia shoot a solid stream of water at an angle that is not too intrusive, which is perfectly alright for those with regular bowel movements.  However, for those with less fiber in their diets pulsating bidets are probably better as they can help stimulate bowel movements – cleaning and unclogging, a great combo! Besides that, pulsating bidets give a rather unusual experience which really needs to be felt as the stimulation cannot really be told.  


*** If you are interested in the pulsating version, contact your local bidet seller (Hint, Hint) and ask them if they sell them.  

4 – Dryer Bidets

Sometimes it is not good enough just to have a clean butt, especially if it is soaking wet.  A dry and clean butt is the perfect combination for backside comfort!

You may be thinking right now, “Is it really possible that some bidets come with drying devices?”.  The answer is yes, but it is more a luxurious add-on than a standard feature.

Bidets with air dryers work in much the same way as air dryers found in public restrooms albeit with less pressure – thank goodness!  As they only expel moderate air pressure and moderate heat, so as not to burn the sphincter, they do take a minute or two to get the anal totality completely dry.  

Bidets with air dryers are extremely convenient to have, although a bit more costly and hard to find, as it frees one up from having to use toilet paper after a good bideting session.

*** If this feature sounds interesting to you, ask your local bidet specialist if they know where to get an air dryer bidet in Australia.

5 – Heated Water

This probably should have been listed first as nothing could be better than a lukewarm anal wash or worse a scalding, fiery anal torture, depending on how hot you like it.  Anyway, I have saved the best feature for last.

For the most part, most of the standard bidets – attached or full-seated – do not automatically come with heat controls but for most bidets in Australia,  this option can be purchased at an added cost. Don’t worry, it is not that expensive to get a heating system for your toilet fountain.

Question: How long will it take for the water to heat up?

Answer: As long as it takes for your sink to heat up as your bidet heating system will also be attached to your home’s hot-water supply.

Question: How hot will the water get?

Answer: As hot as you want it.  You will be in full control of the heating controls.  Of course, I recommend the low to medium setting but if you are one who likes to heat up your bum, go for it!  Who am I to judge?


As an Indian living, working and breathing in Australia, I was always looking for a way to get that fresh, clean feeling that I used to get when I used water back in India.  Of course, I could also use a plastic bottle and my hand – if you are Indian, you know what I am talking about – but I am in the Western World now and touching ones poop shoot with the hand is not seen as a really hygienic thing to do.

I finally decided to bring the best of both worlds together and search for a bidet in Australia so that I could clean it out without getting my hands dirty, so to speak.  I can tell you it was really hard to find one as at that time bidets were even less popular Down Under. But when I finally managed to acquire one, I was hooked. In fact, I was so enthralled with the bidet experience that I decided to make it one of my missions in life to bring this experience to my fellow Indians as well as enlighten native Australians to the wonders of water.  

Now everyone who lives Down Under can get cleaned Down Under through the technological marvel known as the  Bidet!